Cordelia's Diary
by mistymidnight
Summary: Cordelia writes down her thoughts from Season one to Season three.
1. What's up with the new girl?

Title: Cordelia's Diary Rating: Uhhh...PG? Spoilers: Seasons 1-3...and season 4 of Angel, but only if you read my disclaimer... Disclaimer: If I owned them, Cordy never would have gone into a coma, Buffy and Angel would still be together, and Spike would still be trying to kill them all. Either that or he'd be dust. (Sorry Spuffy lovers.)  
I also don't own McDonald's. Duh. I'm vegetarian. (If I owned Micky D's they'd be selling Boca burgers. I only go there for ice cream, fries, and fruit/yogurt parfaits as it is anyway.) Timeline: Seasons 1-3...as of now, at least. Author's Note: Okay, call me weird, but the character of Cordy has always fascinated me. Sure, she could be irritating, but I think everyone shares at least one quality with Cordelia, and not all her qualities are bad. Oh well, read on...  
  
(A/N: Okay, I lied. Just on more note: This first entry takes place during "Welcome to the Hellmouth".)  
  
March 3, 1997  
  
Dear Diary, As corny as that entry starter is, I can't seem to dump it. I mean, I've been keeping diaries since third grade. Not writing 'Dear Diary' at the top would be like breaking a time honored tradition.  
Well anyway, today was pretty uneventful. Harmony got a wicked cute sweater on sale at the mall. She's been wanting it for ages, but she had to wait til it went on sale because she didn't want to blow all the money her parents gave her on one sweater, because what would she do without the matching shoes? (She and her parents obviously aren't as well off as Mom and Daddy and I am. Her mom says she might even have to get a JOB soon to help pay for college! A JOB! Harmony's trying to be discreet about all this, but it better not happen. Cordelia Chase hanging out a McDonald's cashier? Please.)  
Oh, and this new girl Buffy came to school today. She seemed cool...until I caught her hanging out with Willow, Xander, and my 'stalker' Jesse. And she was there out of her OWN FREE WILL. But I was nice. I thought, Maybe she doesn't understand that the people in this school are dying to be in my group. But then she started asking about...OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO MENTION THE DEAD GUY!!!!!! Today when Aura opened her gym locker, a dead guy fell out! Oh my god, I can't believe that earlier in this entry I said that today was uneventful!!! But anyway, Buffy was all, "Did something bite him?" It was nasty. I was like, "Eww, morbid much?" So Buffy runs off, probably to get a glimpse of this dead body that fascinates her so. Eww. Just thinking about it makes me shudder. I don't get why Buffy was so interested in that body, though. It's really creepy. Plus, she doesn't seem Goth or anything at all. (A/N: No offense to any Gothic people out there...I know people who are kinda 'Goth' and they aren't all obsessed with death and corpses...)  
Another weird thing about Buffy: I was at the Bronze tonight and she came at me with this sharp piece of wood. God, she has issues. Like, MAJOR issues. Who runs around trying to kill people with sharp sticks? Nutty people, I'll tell you that.  
  
Oh, well. As long as I deny ever having invited her to join the group, my reputation should remain okay. And I'd better watch out for her...  
  
Cordy 


	2. Why aren't I happy?

Cordelia's Diary: entry II 

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3

Disclaimer: May I just say "DUH!" and hope you get the point?

A/N: Hope that last one wasn't to hard to read. I've since mastered my Microsoft Word. Yay me!

March 4, 1997

The weirdest thing happened last night. There were these freaks at the Bronze, like a gang or something, because there was this huge fight between them and—guess who—Buffy. Big surprise there. I knew she was trouble the second I first saw her. 

            But she, like, _knew_ them. It was mega-freaky. I bet the whole reason she moved was because she's in a gang and she's trying to escape the law or the gang itself. Probably the law, since if she was trying to escape the gang, she wouldn't walk right into the middle of the fight and kick butt. Then again, those trying to escape the law usually don't fight, period. Or enroll in school. Unless, of course, they're total psychos. 

            And today even Willow got snotty with me. I just typed out my whole report, and she made me delete it! I had to spend almost all of next period trying to find someone to do it for me. I gave some nerd five bucks and he said he'd do it. By the end of the period I had it all set, and I rushed to my next class where my teacher gave me a funny look and said that writing "Class is not fun" every few lines was not part of the assignment.

            I spent lunch chasing the nerd down and taking back my five dollars. I used it to buy the soda I "accidentally" spilled on his chair. Not like he didn't deserve a little payback embarrassment. And I got a D- on the lesson. Daddy said if I don't do well next time he won't buy me another horse. Whatever. I can't ride eight at once anyway.

            Not like Daddy hates me that much. Threats are for kids like Xander, whose parents probably don't give a crap whether he buys horses, breeds them, sells them, or even gives them marriage liscences, whatever. At least my parents care. We have money. Money=happiness. So how come I'm not? Happy that is. It could be the fact that TWO nerds dared to backtalk _me_, Cordelia Chase. Or maybe I just need to go shopping.

Cordy


	3. Cheerleading and a Lawsuit

Cordelia's Diary: entry III

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3

Disclaimer: I own…nothing. **tear**

A/N: Sorry if this format is screwed up. My shaky alliance with my computer…well, let's just say it's mad. Very mad. Don't ask why. It's temperamental. 

            This entry takes place slightly before, during, and after "The Witch."

March 16, 1997

Dear Diary,

Cheerleading tryouts tomorrow. Of course, I'm going to make it.

            Obviously, Buffy "Shoot At It If It's Moving" Summers will not. And neither will that Amy Madison. I didn't even know she _liked_ cheerleading. Not like I care, though, of course. She's probably convinced that cheerleading runs in her family. Maybe she'll actually be popular if she makes the squad.

            Hate to shatter your dreams, Amy, but you _stink_.

            I might as well get out my pompoms now. I'm definitely in.

                        —Queen C.

March 17, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Happy St. Patty's Day. 

            Cheerleading tryouts were cancelled because Little Miss I'm-So-Great-I'm-A-Laker-Girl Amber Grove somehow got her stupid hands caught on fire. I guess this could be a good thing, because now there's less competition. 

            As much as I hate Amber, though, I feel kinda bad for her. I got some flowers sent to her in the hospital. Anonymously, of course. My reputation will last a lot longer than her burns will.

                        —Cordy

March 18, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Amy the Klutz ruined my cartwheel! 

            She can't do a cartwheel right, so what makes her think she can do a round-off double back handspring?

            Well, anyway, she bumped right into me and knocked me over. I confronted her about it in the locker room after, quite sweetly, I think, considering the circumstances.

            I made the team anyway, though. I MADE THE TEAM!!! Go me! Queen C! Buffy is first alternate and Amy is third. **gag** How'd she even make it to be an alternate?  And don't even get me started on Buffy…

                                    —Cordelia  

March 23, 1997

The only reason I haven't written for awhile is that I WAS BLIND!!!! It has to be something in that awful school. I'm suing.

            Actually, the only reason I'm alive is because of Buffy Summers, I think. I obviously couldn't see her, but I think I heard her voice. I couldn't see anything, and I somehow ended up in the street. Buffy pushed me out of the way.

            I heard she got wicked sick right after, like deathly ill. She's fine now, of course, but she probably got it from the school, too. I wonder if she's suing, too.

March 24, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Principal (ha!) Flutie is mad because this is the second lawsuit we've brought against the school since I started coming here. I am sorry, but they totally deserved both of them. It isn't_ my_ fault that the bathrooms here are gross! I think Prin. Flutie just wishes I'd go to a private school. Don't worry, Prin. Flutie, you're not alone. I wish I could go to a private school, too. Whenever I asked Mom and Daddy, though, they just tell me to take the credit card and go shopping. Or ride one of my horses. They are so weird like that. (Mom and Dad, not the horses.)

                                    —Cordelia 


	4. It's Not Me, It's You

Cordelia's Diary, entry IV

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3

Disclaimer: They belong to Joss. 

A/N: Sorry I didn't update for a long time. I've been busy, and when things finally slowed down, my allergies decided to pop up and make things interesting.

            The line about kicking the horse was borrowed from _Buffalo Gal_, by Bill Wallace.

            This entry takes place around the events of "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date".

March 29, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today was all right. Not great, but not bad either. Buffy tried to talk to Owen, but he is so _mine._ She should know better than to try to get to Queen C's guy. I knocked her lunch over. That ought to teach her a lesson.

                        —Cordelia 

March 30, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Just got back from the Bronze. This night has proven, once again, that weird things happen around Buffy. And I don't just mean gang stuff. 

            Like how Owen went out with her. Any person in their right mind would go out with me! Obviously. That's okay, I never really liked him. He's too nerdy for my tastes, what with the poems and all that crap.

            But that's not the weirdest part, either. There was this guy, older, soooo hot, walked into the Bronze…straight over to her Buffiness. Why does this always happen to me???

            I bet she's two-timing them. I really hope I'm there when they find out. Just in case they need a shoulder to cry on. Or something.

                        —Cordelia 

March 31, 1997

Dear Diary,

            School gossip has it that Buffy broke it off with Owen. Harmony said she heard the whole thing and Buffy used the "it's not you, it's me" line. Ha.  More like, "It's not you, it's my other boyfriend. You see, I like him more. Ta-ta"

When I break up with a guy, it's _always _his fault, and I don't lie about it. "You see, it's not me, it's you." That's the truthful version. It works so much better than that "It's me" crap. 

Daddy bought me a new horse. I named it Buffy so that when I kick it, it's actually kind of fun. Sure, I got that line from a book, but that's okay, it definitely pertains to the situation.

I went to check on the horses today. Thunder, Iris, Peanut, Gabby, Teddy, and Yo-Yo seem to like Buffy, but Sparkle doesn't seem to like her that much. Personally, I have to go with Sparkle on this one. Buffy the horse is mean, bites and kicks. I try to have as little to do with her as possible, just lie with Buffy the person. Dad says we'll hire a trainer to come take care of her, but I said it was no rush. It's kind of a hopeless case, so why even bother?

Oh, well. 

            —Cordy


	5. April Fools

Cordelia's Diary, entry V

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3

Disclaimer: I wish I owned them, but I don't. Poor me.

A/N: Aw, you guys deserve an update! I've just been really busy with my site lately. (If you want to visit my site devoted to all things Buffy, click on the link in my user profile.)

            The "Be my deputy" reference is from episode 1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight."

April 1, 1997

Dear Diary,

Did I ever mention how _fun_ April Fool's Day is? I love it. You get to do pretty much whatever and no one says anything. I usually wear a new outfit I'm not sure about on April Fool's Day. That way, if people think it's hideous, I can pretend it's all a big joke.

            But today, things didn't go as planned. For one thing, Harmony made a big deal out of this party she was having, and about how great it was gonna be, and how everyone who's anyone was gonna be there. Imagine my shock when _Buffy_ was on the invites list and _I_ wasn't.

            I flipped out at her, and I was all worked up when she just cracks up and says, "Chill, Cordy, it's just a joke! April Fool's!"

            "I am _not_ a fool," I told her, and I stomped off to the library to get a book on capital punishment. Not because I'm morbid like Buffy and Freaks, but because I'm supposed to do a report on it for Social Studies, about its ethics or lack of ethics or whatever.

            I should have known things were weird when Xander Harris clapped me on the back and said loudly, "Long time, no see, Cordy."

            Eww! Since when does Xander Harris socialize with me? Since he's up to something, apparently. But I was too stupid—I mean, I was too upset over Harmony to pay attention. So I just said, "Yuck, Harris, get your blue-collar hands offa me!"

            "Just trying to be friendly," he muttered, walking off to join Willow. Buffy wasn't in sight, but the two of them put their heads together and snickered. Nerds.

            The first bell rang and I had to run off to class before I could reach the library. People snickered all through class. I didn't really pay attention. Probably laughing at some poor geek with a "Kick Me" sign on their back. Not my problem.

            Somewhere about halfway though the class, I got up to go to the bathroom. After I got a hall pass I left the class and nearly ran into Buffy. I told her to move it.

            "Nice to see you too, Cordy," she grouched. I ignored her and walked. She paused in the middle of picking up her books and said, "Cordy? It's great that you're proud of your rank and all, but don't you think that now is not the time nor the place to publicize it?"

            "What are you talking about, Buffy Summers?" I demanded. "And since when do you call me 'Cordy'?"

            She picked up her books and strolled over to me, obviously enjoying the situation but trying to tactful about it. She reached across my shoulder and pulled a piece of paper off my back, then dangled it in front of my face. "Congratulations, Deputy Chase," she remarked dryly, dropping the paper into my hands.

            I said, "Ooh, Xander Harris, I am going to kill you."

            "That's not Xander's writing!" Buffy said, jumping to the defense of her partner in freakishness. "In fact…" she trailed off, examining the paper. "…it's Willow's. And hey, look, Giles's on the bottom there."

            "Laugh all you want, Summers," I sniffed, continuing on the way to the bathroom.. "Just remember who's actually appreciated around here."

            A little flicker of self-doubt crossed her face, but she squished it pretty fast. Then her eyes got kind of sad. "Can't argue with you there," she said, mostly to herself.

            "Freak," I returned, leaving her behind on my way to the bathroom.

            And when I got home, Mom and Dad told me we lost everything to taxes. I was slower to believe them, and turns out they were joking. Ha, ha. Funny. Just wait until it really happens someday. I'll go into denial and then it'll be worse for me in the end and I'll be in counseling 'til I'm thirty—and it will all be because they decided to cry wolf.

            I'm going out to the stable. I wanna brush Sparkle. At least _she_ knows how to treat me. And then I'm gonna go for a ride. I think I'll take Buffy (the horse). I can kick her some more!

                        —Cordelia

                                   THE TOP SEVENTEEN REASON'S I'M GREAT

                                                            By: Cordelia Chase

I'm pretty. I've got great hair. I'm popular. I'm rich. I'm in tune with my animal senses. I appreciate others for what they are—nerds. I keep an open mind. I can spot a shoe sale a mile away. I'm great at manipulation.  I have excellent taste. Gotta love my quick wit.  I'm honest.  I know the value of a dollar. I catch on quick. I stay out of trouble.  I'm good at flattery…when I want to be.  Guys love me! 

A/N: The list at the bottom was kinda random, but I keep lists in my journal, so I figured Cordy could too.

Review?

mistymidnight


	6. Why I Hate Spiders

Cordelia's Diary, entry VI

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3

Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss, etc.

A/N: A new update for a new month! Happy June, everyone! (A week from today—June 7—the Shades of Grey Winners get announced. I'm among the nominees and I'm waiting with baited breath.)

            This entry revolves around the episode "Nightmares".

April 16, 1997

The weirdest thing happened today. Actually, a lot of weird things happened today. First, Wendell's book was full of tarantulas. It was terrifying—and gross! They were crawling all over the place, with the creepy eyes and the fuzzy bodies…eww. I couldn't take it. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. Unfortunately, Harmony walked in right in the middle, told me to quit with the drama queen act, and then left. Most people just go along with whatever I do, no questions asked. I think Harmony is vying for Top Girl spot in this school.

But what Harmony doesn't understand is the fact that me and spiders go back a long way. Probably longer than with Wendell. Yeah, I heard he and Xander talking. Apparently Wendell is haunted by the fact that his brother fried all his tarantulas when they were kids. Well, when I was four years old, I was out playing in the stables. I crawled into this little hollow space in the wall, which I called my "secret hideaway", and sat there. I liked to do that. Well, we went away for a few weeks and when we came back, the first thing I wanted to do was go to my secret hideaway. I was so excited, I crawled right in and didn't check inside first. Aside from a mouthful of spider web, I got all these spiders climbing all over me. Up my arms, down my shirt, on my face, in my hair. I screamed and one fell into my mouth. I spit it out and ran around, trying to get them all off. And since then, spiders terrify me.

But this _lovely_ start to the day wasn't enough. I left the bathroom and went to my locker, where I discovered that my hair was all over the place! And I mean ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! Like puffed out three feet from my head! (Okay, that's an exaggeration, but only slightly.) Of course, Harmony laughed at me, but someone ran into her and knocked out her two front teeth. I kind of wanted to thank whoever it was, but they seemed to literally disappear. Well, Harmony was sitting on the floor, moaning an groaning about how this was her worst nightmare, blah-de-blah-blah. Then something clicked in my head, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. It was on the tip of my tongue. I would have figured it out, given time, but then a bunch of chess club geeks came over and dragged me, bad hair and all, off to chess club. I _tried_ to tell them that I don't even know _how _to play the stupid game, but the wouldn't take no for an answer. When they found out that I really couldn't, they tried to make me keep score or something, but I kept messing up because I didn't know how to play. Finally, they just gave me snack duty. And then it all came together.

I had a dream just like this the other night.

And the bad hair day? I've had that dream at least once a month for as long as I can remember. Which makes me think: Am I psychic or something? Maybe I get visions of the future. Hah. That's a laugh. That's the supernatural. As in, not natural, therefore nonexistent. It was just a random thought. A weird and eerily familiar thought, but just a random one.

And then, by the end of the day, everything was normal. The chess geeks kicked me out, my hair was normal, and Harmony's teeth were back, even though she kept saying, "If I hadn't gone to the nurse when I did, I'd look like a hillbilly. Doesn't anyone care???"

Sad thing is, I really don't. Even though she's supposedly my best friend, I don't give a crap. Because I suppose in reality, she's just another follower. Not really a friend, or even an acquaintance, because she doesn't know anything about me. In fact, Willow and Xander probably know more about me, for God's sake. How's that for weird?

                                    —Cordelia

Okay, kinda short, but my inspiration dwindled. Sorry.

mistymidnight


	7. Bad Days

Cordelia's Diary, entry VII

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3.

Disclaimers: Joss owns all, yada yada, they're not mine, yada yada yada.

A/N: Well.

            I was going to spend this evening fixing up my website, but fate intervened. Actually, my Image Hosting Service disappeared off the face of the Internet and all editing my site gets me is frustration. And angry feelings. So I figured I might as well make use of the time and update something. Since I'm in a snippy mood, I decided to do Cordelia's Diary, seeing as Cordy's the snippiest character on the show. I identify with her.

            Also, to glitzydancingshoes: I skipped clear over the talent show because I got way lazy. I'm going to reference it in this entry, though.

April 26, 1997

God, can life get much worse?

First of all, I forgot to tell Daddy about a teensy-weensy shopping spree I had on his credit card. He took away the horses for a week and made me return all the stuff except for the really good stuff. And people think I'm spoiled!

            Then I spilled cranberry juice all over my favorite white shirt. And I had to walk around with it like that ALL DAY, because the stupid school wouldn't let me go home. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

            And to top it all off, I've got a cold. Excellent. Just in time for the May Queen Competition. I'll still win, of course, but I'm gonna be all puffy-nosed and red-eyed in my picture.

            Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.

                        —Cordelia

April 28, 1997

            Oh, I forgot to mention the talent show! I was, of course, the highlight. Buffy and Freaks _tried_ to act. _My _act put them all to shame. I sang that old Whitney Houston song, "The Greatest Love Of All". Corniest song on the planet, but it's a crowd-pleaser. Mom gave me a huge bouquet afterwards and took me shopping. This was before the credit card incident.

            So, still with the cold. It's not clearing up at all. I'm stuffy and chapped and I talk like dis. Wid a stuffy dose.  It's all very dumb.

            I'm nominated for May Queen.

                        —Cordelia

Yes, short, granted, but I'm feeling rather uninspired. You see, my site is nominated for a bunch of awards and if the judges see it like it is now…_shudders_. I guess some things can't be helped, but I really wanna find the head of Free Image Solutions and for hours show him/her slide shows of white squares with red X's in them , because thar's all that's on my site!!!!

            Sorry, Just a tad upset right now.

mistymidnight


	8. The May Queen and Invisiblility

Cordelia's Diary, entry VIII

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3.

Disclaimers: Joss owns all, yada yada, they're not mine, yada yada yada.

A/N: I'm here to update!

It's a little late for gidgetgirl's "Save A Fic Week", but I figured at least some people would appreciate it if I updated. Plus, I've been missing Cordy lately. So the fics you're gonna see either added or updated will likely have Cordy at the center. Rejoice, Cordy fans!

May 19, 1997

Sorry I haven't written for awhile. I've been campaigning, you know. I got these little candies with "C"s printed on them, and Harmony, the brain that she is, was like, "Oh, 'C'. 'C' stands for 'Cordelia', right?" and I was all, "Nooo, 'C' for 'Wilma', Little Brain." God. Buffy's a psycho, Willow's nerd, Xander's a loser, and Harmony's an airhead. The people I have the most contact with are all just...ick.

Except Mitch. We're going to to Spring Fling! I mean, sure, his leading our team to victory might've had something to do with it, but still...you can't say I don't like him for who he is, because I _do_ like him for who he is: A sports-playing, game-winning, hottie, salty goodness, popular jock! And did I mention he's hot?

--Cordelia

May 25, 1997

Once again, sorry I haven't written. Being _stalked by an invisible girl _will do that to you.

Yeah. And you know what? It turns out Ms. I'm-A-Freak-I'm-Buffy-Summers actually has a reason for her freakiness. I'm just not sure what the reason is. It's not 'cause she's in a gang, that much I know. But when I was getting attacked (and Harmony and Ms. Miller and Mitch were getting attacked), she knew what to do. And the saddest part? I know where she's coming from. Not like we're two-of-a-kind or anything, because that would mean that either I'm a freak or she's popular, and neither of those is remotely possible. But I actually feel more at ease with Buffy, Willow, Xander, and the Mr. Giles guy than I do with Harmony, Gwen, Aura, and everybody else. Maybe because I don't have to set a fashion example for Buffy and Co. I mean, I've tried and they've rejected my attempt, so it's just a load off my chest to not have to be the perfect fashion example. I bet that's it.

Well, they invited me to have lunch with them today. And I won't lie: for one millisecond, it sounded like fun. I could actually have a real conversation with someone. It would be like, "Hi, let's talk about our lives and how they just got interrupted by an invisible girl that wanted to kill us," and not "Hi, let's talk about our lives and decide how polka dots will factor into them this spring." And then Mitch came by and I snapped back to reality. Okay, okay. I chickened out.

I wanted to have lunch with Buffy and everybody, I really did, but then Mitch came by and he looked at me (with those HOTTIE eyes) and it was like fight-or-flight-deer-in-the-headlights. And I flighted. Flew. Whatever. And that's what gets me. Since when am I afraid of my own "friends"? I should have just said, "No, I'm having lunch with these freaks today, and there's nothing you can do about it." Then what? It's not like they can go on being popular without me. I am the epitome of popularity. I am Cordelia Chase. And I missed my shot at expanding my circle of friends, corny as it sounds.

I mean, being friends with the freaks would be a good thing, right? Only a really popular person would let themselves be seen with loser. It shows that not even _that_ will take your popularity level down enough notches to be considered unpopular. And popularity is about who has the most friends, right? That would be adding three (or four, depending on whether you count Giles, which I'm not) more numbers to the roster. Go me.

All this thinking is giving me a headache (and all this writing is giving me a hand-cramp). I'll write more later.

--Cordelia

P.S. I won May Queen, just like I knew I would. I can't believe I forgot to mention that before.


	9. Well, THAT Explains A Lot

Cordelia's Diary, entry VIIII

Spoilers: Seasons 1-3.

Disclaimers: Joss owns all, yada yada, they're not mine, yada yada yada.

A/N: Updating for the first time in, oh...three months. Sorry about the lack of new chapters.

This chapter takes place around the events of "Prophecy Girl", including some explanation of what the Scoobies did at the Spring Fling. Just 'cause I've always wondered.

June 2, 1997

Actually, it's June third, seeing as it's one in the morning.

Well. Know I know why Buffy's a freak.

She's some kind of...superhero. A Slayer, I think Giles said.

And Giles! Giles is her Watcher. Whatever that is. As far as I can tell, he's kind of like a Slayer secretary: "Hi, Buffy, you're killing some demons at three o' clock and you're meeting with some vampires at six. Be sure to bring a stake. And I cancelled your eight-thirty apocalypse."

Wow. I just used demons, vampires, stake, and apocalypse in the same paragraph, and I'm not even being sarcastic.

I'm in shock.

AND I'M TRAUMATIZED!

So traumatized, in fact, that I didn't even mention the trauma until now.

I was sitting where Kevin and I used to park (Kevin died yesterday. I feel horrible--me and Willow found his body. The funeral is later this week) when all these vampires started coming after me. So I put the pedal to the metal and woh should I find, surrounded by even more of these things, but Willow and Miss Calendar. And at that moment, I didn't care that Willow was a freak and Miss Calendar failed me on that computer test last week. I wasn't about to let them _die._ So I stopped and they got in and we drove to the library. Apart from the life-threatening danger and everything, driving through the school was kind of cool. Except for the paint scratches on the car. Which are minor, I guess, compared to everything else that's happened.

Anyway, we run into the library and start barricading the door. And Giles is surprised, but not _too_ surprised, which made everything even weirder. I thought he'd at least be like, "Oh, dear! Everything's gone to hell in a bloody handbasket!" or something British-sounding. Maybe a "Pip, pip, it's the end of the world!" Well, anyway, Giles and I are trying to keep the vampires and stuff out of the library and Willow and Miss Calendar are up with the bookshelves blocking the windows when all of a sudden they start screaming "Giles! GILES! GIIII-LLLES!" And Giles picks _that_ moment to be all British and "bloody-hell-oh-dear" and gallant in the sense of "I must rescue my one true love and her student!" Because Giles obviously has the hots for Miss Calendar, in his own stuffy British way. You'd have to be a moron not to be able to tell, especially the way they were acting at the Spring Fling after. But I'm off topic.

So he leaves me there to fend for myself. And I'm wondering where Buffy is. 'Cause isn't she supposed to handle stuff like this? And then, all of a sudden, this THING just bursts into the library! No, not _into_ the library, FROM the library. From the floor in the back! That whole time I was doing my book report on Uruguay, this _thing_ was right underneath me! This ugly, terrifying, slimy, three-mouthed Venus-fly-trap looking THING!

After that, everything was just a blur. Fighting for you life does that to you,I guess. I never thought I'd say this, but poor Buffy. If fighting for your life makes your memories blurry, she must have the weirdest random recollections of stuff. The last clear memory she probably has is, like, her eighth birthday or something.

So, yeah, everything was a blur until this ugly deformed vampire guy comes CRASHING THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT! He lands on this broken piece of library table (or floor--at this point, I couldn't really tell) and just turned to dust and left this skelton behind. And I looked up and there's Buffy, a semi-fashion disaster--wet, stringy hair, a formerly-gorgeous-but-now-soaking-wet dress, muddy shoes. (I can let this go, though, on account of her just saving my life, along with the rest of the world, so...) And she looks down at the skeleton and kind of smiles. Then I see Xander over her shoulder and I just barely hear him go, "Buffy? Let's go." And who should come up behind her and put his arm over her sohulder than that SUPER HOT ANTI-OWEN GUY from the Bronze! No wonder he's always hanging around her! I thought that maybe this meant he wasn't taken after all, he was just her sort-of co-worker or something, but judging by the way they were slow-dancing at the Bronze, I'd say they're a couple. But we'll see.

So a few minutes later, Buffy, Xander, and the Hot Guy come in, and Xander says that Buffy DIED! (No wonder her hair was so awful.) And then somebody said we should leave the library because it was freaking them out, and Buffy called the vampire skeleton a freak (ha ha--takes one to know one, I guess) and we all left for the Spring Fling.

When we got there, people gave us--and me--funny looks. Us because _most_ of us were all bruised (Giles in particular had this really nasty-looking bruise on his cheek--looks like somebody clocked him good), me because I actually showed up with these losers. And I wasn't wearing a designer dress! But they all had to deal, because _I_ am May Queen. So there.

So Buffy and the guy--whose name is Angel, I think, danced, and Giles and Miss Calender sort of gave each other awkward looks and sat on a couch near the little finger sandwiches, and Willow ate practically everything in sight (I have to say I joined her in this--fighting for your life apparently makes you _really_ hungry in addition to blurring your memories. It'll be a miracle if we both don't gain at least three pounds.) and Xander "treated" us all to his trademark freakish dance moves. It would be kind of cute, if he wasn't so nerdy.

And I actually had fun. I hung out with Harmony and everybody most of the time, and that was okay, but I actually had more fun talking to Willow, even though we talk about 99 _less_ than I talked with Harmony. She (Willow, not Harmony) was the one who filled in the blanks about Buffy being the Slayer and Giles being her Watcher. She also said that the ugly vampire guy was called the Master and he's been trying to get free and kill us all for a long time. That's what that whole thing with the "deformed gangs" was about when Buffy first moved here. There was this guy, Luke (this ugly guy who actually tried to kill me) who was a "vessel" or something, and if he killed enough people, it would be like a get out of jail free card for the Master. She told me about the Anointed One (some Big Cheese in the vampire community) and about the demons and stuff they faced this year. And I asked her how long she'd known and she said, "Ever ince one of them tried to kill me, right after Buffy moved here. She saved my life." And I asked how clse she'd been to being killed and she said, "Really close. I was lucky to get away." And she looked kind of sad and I asked her what her problem was and she told me that the vampires killed Jesse.

And then I realized that Jesse hadn't been hanging around me anymore, not since that night with the gang--vampires. I never noticed until now, and it makes me feel bad. He's been dead for months, and I never knew. I actually gave Willow this weird little pat on the shoulder, to help make her feel better. I think it did because she smiled and said, "Thanks, Cordelia" and I told her not to think it would become a regular thing, us talking like we were friends. And she smiled this knowing kind of smile and said, "Okay." Huh.

Well, it's late and my hand is killing me and I'm exhausted. I've got finals this week, so I'd better be catching up on my sleep, even though I doubt I'll be doing much sleeping tonight. Goodnight.

--Cordelia

June 9, 1997

Well, school is officially OUT FOR SUMMER!

I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait!

Mom and Dad promised that we're going to St. Croix this year! And, as an end-of-school present, they got me a palomino! Yay! That's ten horses, even. I named him Keanu. I'll miss him this summer, but I'm GOING TO ST. CROIX!

--Cordelia

June 10, 1997

I'm basking in the no-school-ness. I went to the mall today (all by myself--it's a beginning-of-summer tradition for me to swimsuit shopping on my own, even though I bought most of my swimsuits in March) and saw Willow and Xander. I actually smiled at them and Willow said, "Hi, Cordelia." Xander, of course, just kind of glared my way and muttered something about Daddy's credit card. Willow ignored him and told me that they're burying the bones of the Master tomorrow and asked if I would come to help make the ritaul stronger. I gave her a thanks-but-no-thanks remark and started walking away. Then I remembered Buffy saving the world and everything and I figured I owed them one. So as they were walking away, I called "Willow!" (In public and everything!) She turned around and looked at me. I think she knew what I was gonna say. She nodded at me and I asked, "What time?" (You should have seen the look of shock on Xander's face.)

So tomorrow night, at a quarter to midnight, I'm meeting Willow, Xander, Giles, and Miss Calendar in the graveyard for some post-bad-guy-death chanting. Willow mentioned wearing robes. Joy. At least no one will be able to tell who I am. (Not that anyone that knows me--besides these people--would be walking around the cemetery at night. But you can never be too careful.)

--Cordelia

* * *

Wow, a super-long update! Go me!

mistymidnight


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